There are certain phrases that are said on a semi regular basis in schools, playgrounds, workplaces and family homes that seriously worry me.
"They're just words."
"Ignore it and they'll stop and go away."
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me."
Whoever coined that last phrase has possibly never experienced the effects of verbal bullying.
Words hurt. Really hurt.
Words last.
Words effect long term memories.
Words eat away at your self esteem and your confidence long after the bully has gone.
And when people respond with "but I didn't intend to insult you," well that just doesn't cut it in my opinion. Just because you didn't intend the words to be hurtful, doesn't mean that the other person shouldn't have taken offence to them.
It is all about perspective and how others interpret your words. People need to become more accountable for their actions, or in this case, their words.
I do want my little superheroes to become resilient but I do not want them to go through life believing that it is okay for others to belittle them with words.
"It is just a test" really isn't a useful or calming phrase to say to a child who suffers from severe anxiety. Yes it is just a test, but try explaining that to a child who is highly anxious and worries about what everyone will think if she doesn't perform to the standard that SHE thinks people are expecting of her.
We put so much pressure on our children when we should in fact be supporting them. We keep reminding O and L that as long as they try their hardest, that is all that matters.
The next time that you hear yourself saying "they're just words," take a moment and consider how your little superhero is feeling. How can we support our little superheroes instead of telling them to shrug it off.
This is such a lovely post and one that I think everyone should read. Words can be incredibly hurtful.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words.
DeleteWhat a great post! I agree...people don't realize the damage words can actually do.
ReplyDeleteIf only more people would understand just how damaging words can be.
DeleteWords can be so harmful. Thank you for actually putting this out there and for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteYou are most welcome.
DeleteWow, first of this is a great artical, I can relate to so much! Verbal abuse is real and I lived it as a young child and most of my life, I got bullied from a young age like really young, about 7 years old, Up until I was 17years old! I did some terrible things to people around me but also mostly to myself, I ended up getting verbally, sexually and physically abused by the time I was 16, by an older guy! And It all started with the smack talk kids gave me when I was little making me believe that I was ugly and not worthy of any respect.. I have two daughters myself, and this mom will do some ass whipping if i find out my kids are getting verbally abuse!! And your right the worst thing you can do is telling a kid, "ag it will blow over", "leave them alone, don't talk to them".. yeah what ever! Took them 17years to finally leave me alone!! The day, they found out that I was sexually abused, when I stood up in a hall one day when a lady came to speak to us about sexual abuse, asking if we know what it is.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I am so sorry that you went through this but I am also glad that you'll ensure that your own children will not be subjected to verbal abuse. Hugs to you xxx
DeleteI love this. Words are so powerful, and sometimes we don't realize their effects...especially on our littlest ones. Thank you for this great reminder.
ReplyDeleteWords can definitely be harmful. "We put so much pressure on our children when we should in fact be supporting them." I totally agree. Instead of reprimanding, sometimes we need to understand that they are children. I read that it takes four compliments to make up for one reprimand to create a healthy minded young child. Just think how many children are constantly reprimanded and criticized instead of uplifted.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and so so true!!! They may be words, but words can stick. Thank you for not holding back on this post. We all should really shed more light on bullying. People are losing their children to this.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. Words can hurt so much. I am 40 years old and I can still recall all the emotions and anxiety I felt when I was bullied at school.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more! Words shouldn't be ignored because they can hurt and they can stick.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, words can speak life and can be harmful. It's an excellent lesson for parents and kiddos alike.
ReplyDeleteI Agree! We need to understand the impact of what we say. They hurt more when it comes from those you love and respect.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right!
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