What does undiagnosed Autism look like?

As we were going through the little superheroes ASD assessments back in 2016 and 2017, it was like a light bulb going off in my brain. O is my mini me and all of the struggles that O has, I went through the exact same thing as a child, teenager and young adult.

Recently I read a post on social media about one person's experience as an undiagnosed Autistic teenager and I found that I could relate to most of the points on the list.

The post got me thinking ..... what was my experience as an undiagnosed Autistic teenager? It has only been in the last few years that I have publicly said that I am Autistic.

I am proud of who I am, but I so wish that I'd known as a teenager, even as a young adult, that there was nothing wrong with me. That my struggles socially and emotionally were because I was Autistic.

So what did my experience as an undiagnosed Autistic teenager at school look like?

I can tell you what my undiagnosed Autism looked and felt like, but remember that every Autistic individual is just that, an individual. My experience is not going to be the same as the next individual.

• Bullying on a daily basis, from those who didn't know me but also from those in my year level. This bullying, unfortunately, followed me through to tertiary education where I was questioned on a regular basis by people who had heard rumours about me at school or had heard the rumours from people that I went to school with. Now matter how hard I tried, I could not escape from those rumours. It was only when I relocated interstate in my mid twenties, that I started afresh.

• Struggling to understand all social and classroom interactions, every day - I did not understand social interactions at all. They bamboozled me completely. I did understand some interactions with a few of the lads in my classes, but then I was accused as a boyfriend stealer and ostracised.

• Crying myself to sleep every night, because I wasn't like everyone else. I desperately wanted to be like everyone else, to fit in, but didn't know how to be like everyone else.

• Not understanding if people were joking or being nasty when they interacted with me. Was an interaction sincere? Did they feel sorry for me? Was I being set up?

• Feeling like I didn't belong to the school community. All the while I wanted to belong to the school community but I did not know how to make myself belong.

• Knowing that I didn't fit in and thinking that the reason I didn't fit in was because I was just quirky or weird because that is what I was told on a daily basis by other students. Then not wanting to be quirky or weird, but that's who I was.

• Anxiety, very high anxiety all day, every day. I could not escape from the anxiety levels that I was experiencing. 

• Rehearsing potential conversations that may occur during the school day in my head constantly. Then as conversations were occurring, analysing what I thought was being meant during the conversation, which in turn meant that I missed the majority of what was being said, so my sky high anxiety levels rose even further, because I still didn't understand.

• Internalising my anxiety when I had a relief teacher unannounced in any of my classes. This was a huge fear at school. My teachers were my safe people at school as I knew how they taught, their mannerisms in class. A relief teacher was a huge unknown.

• Being friends with my teachers, because I felt like I didn't fit in with my peers. But then you are ostracised by your peers because you're friends with the teachers. It was a double edged sword.

• Meltdowns or shutdowns every afternoon from the exhaustion of unknowingly masking every day. At the time I didn't know that I was masking. I will say that masking was detrimental to my mental health.

• Watching and mimicking everyone around me, but still not fitting in.

• I excelled in a few subjects, I sucked badly in others and I was passively okay in the rest. And even then, I tried to stay under the radar because if I did excel, I was ostracised by my peers for getting good grades, and if I sucked badly I was ostracised.

• Drifting between groups of peers because I couldn't find the group that I fitted into, which in turn meant that I struggled to find my tribe at school. Which then meant that it was difficult to make and maintain friendships, so I sat alone most break times in a dark classroom so that I wouldn't be bullied and because I was emotionally and mentally exhausted.

• Questioning my every being, every inch of my self and my worth because of the constant belittling from other students. My brain began to believe everything that was said to me and about me.

• Finding solace in my intense interests because they were my safe spaces, but then being belittled because others thought I was a nerd.

• I developed trauma and mental health issues, namely severe depression, as a result of my school experience.

• All of the above then followed me into adulthood, as I wasn't aware that I was neurodiverse, as I navigated tertiary study and the workplace. So basically repeat all of the above but as a young adult.

I don't believe that having a diagnosis of Autism as a teenager would have changed how I was treated at high school, however the diagnosis would have given me answers as to how I thought and how I experienced the world around me.

Knowing now that I am Autistic is empowering.

Yes I am quirky, I'm weird, but I'm Autistic. And I'm extremely proud of who I am.

Assistance Dogs 101: School drop off time

 

School drop off's have always been difficult for L. The transition from the car to his classroom can be very rough for him. Henry makes it just that little bit easier for L. 

Twice in the last week and a half, L has had very rough mornings that we could see were building to a meltdown about going into school. Twice Henry has gone through his paces in helping L to calm. Twice Henry has worked his Assistance Dog magic.

Loads of Henry cuddles, lap lays and overs, quite a few nuzzles to disrupt L's self harming behaviours and just being close by so that L knows Henry is there when L was ready. Henry is the calming influence that L needs.

It was also wonderful watching the other school students reactions to seeing Henry in action. Henry is a wee bit popular at school, every one loves saying hello to Henry in the morning. But as soon as they see that Henry is helping his boy, they hold back from saying hi. 

They were so very respectful and gave us the space that L needed. And afterwards, when the students that saw myself and Henry leaving school, they told Henry what a good boy he was for helping L.

This is an Assistance Dog at work, not only helping his boy but also raising awareness and acceptance of Autism and Assistance Dogs.

Strategies to Support Children with Additional Needs

I'm often asked by colleagues, parents and other educators about advice on strategies that can be used to support children who have been diagnosed with Autism in an early learning environment. And there are many, many ways in which these children can be supported. So I decided that I would dedicate a blog post purely on strategies that can be used to support children who have additional needs. 

If we give children who have additional needs the support that they require now, we as parents and educators are setting them up to succeed in the future.

All the strategies that are in this post, I have used on numerous occasions in several early learning environments and across a broad range of ages - from birth through to five years and beyond. Keep in mind that these strategies can also be used to assist other children in an early learning environment.

First and foremost, see the whole child and not just the disability. The Autism or Sensory Processing Disorder or other additional need is one part of the child but it is not all of them. Children want to be valued and understood for who they are rather than being defined by the additional needs and challenges that they may face. Focus on the child’s strengths and capabilities and what they can do rather than focusing on what they can’t do. If a child senses that you don’t think that they can do it, their natural response will be “why should I try?” Follow the child’s lead – understand their interests by watching them. Observe how they communicate – do they use particular sounds or gestures to communicate to others. Get to know the child by spending time playing with them.

Please don't underestimate a child’s ability, you may be surprised at what they are capable of achieving. And remember that a non-verbal child can still hear you! Have conversations, albeit they may be very one sided, with the child. Include them in conversations, talk to them about what you are doing even if it is a mundane task like cleaning. We as parents often do this with young babies and children, you may even pause so that they have the opportunity to babble back at you. By including a child who is non-verbal in a conversation, you are saying to them "I value you. I value your input."

Work with the child at their current skill level and at their pace. Early intervention services will often create a Wall of Development for each child who attends their service. The idea behind a Wall of Development is that for a child to reach the top of the wall and reach beyond, they need to build the foundation skills first. L used to struggle with his hand strength but to build hand strength he first needed to be able to cross his mid line as this is a building block to developing hand strength. If we build upon the skills the child currently has, this will build them up for success in other areas.

Be patient when speaking with children who have an additional need be it Autism, ADHD or any other disability. Give them time to respond to you when you ask them a question or request them to do something. They need the extra time to process what you have asked. They may respond with “what?” or “huh?” or some other phrase. They’re not doing this to be rude or disrespectful, they’re trying to process what you have said. By saying “what” or “huh,” their brain is still processing your request. You may need to repeat yourself so please stay calm.

If a child is constantly on the go, provide them with the opportunity to have a sensory break. It could be running races in the play area, pushing a friend on the swings, pushing or riding a bike, turning the heavy toys or resources over and over (old tyres are great for this,) climbing on the play equipment outside or it could be as simple as a big squishy hug. Create a sensory tool kit that the child can access – things to squeeze, sensory bottles, something to bite if needed, objects that will distract the child so that they can ground themselves. Look at the sensory stimuli that is in the center or classroom environment – think bright lights, noise, general busyness of a room. Is it possible to limit this stimulus? If it isn’t, can a quiet corner by created that the child can escape into? Do you need to invest in block out ear protectors for the child to use?

Be understanding that a child exhibiting challenging behaviour is not doing so on purpose. The behaviour is serving a purpose – to communicate with you their needs and wants. Take some time to try and figure out what these needs and wants are. Are they in sensory overload? Are they tired, hungry, frustrated, injured?

Provide experiences for children through things that personally motivate them – use their special interest to engage them in play. L has always been interested in superheroes – they are a big motivator for him, and his teachers, therapists and carers over the last three years have used superheroes to their advantage! Create learning environments using a child's intense interests that encourage children to play and explore.

When you call out to a child with Autism or Sensory Processing Disorder across the room, what they hear is “mumble mumble L mumble mumble.” Go and speak with the child, getting down to their level. Let the child know what you want them to do or what is going to happen next. Break down the instructions into smaller steps. Start off with two step related instructions and work your way up to complex instructions.

There are many visuals that you can utilise within a service. Visuals are a form of communication for children with Autism and other additional needs, they are also very helpful for other children within the service whose communication skills are still developing. Communication boards, visual routines, social stories and visual timetables to name a few. 

Children whose language is still developing often benefit from the use of key word signing. Key word signing or Makaton is a simplified version of Sign Language and as the name suggests, the actual signs just represent words. When signing the word, you also need to speak the word so that the child begins to make the connection between the two. Key word signing isn't intended to replace the need for speech, it is used to assist the development of speech. L picked up key word signing from a very young age and it was truly wonderful to see his frustration at being unable to communicate ease a little. At first L picked up the signs for please, more, finished, eat and drink. He would never say the word but the signing action was very clear. I have used key word signing for children with special needs, children for whom English is their second language and for babies and have had great success with all groups. Key word signing is a very effective communication form and it really does alleviate a child's frustration at being unable to communicate.

Eye contact is uncomfortable, please don’t force it. The best analogy that I can think of is listening to the radio - you don’t need to look at the radio in the car to hear it. It is the same with when talking to someone. You don't necessarily have to look someone in the eyes to hear them – yes it is polite to look at the person who is talking to you but if they struggle with eye contact, please don’t force it. Forcing an individual with Autism to make eye contact will cause them to shut down.

Encourage and create opportunities and experiences that enhance and build upon the child’s skill level and their social and emotional skills. Model to them how to engage with other children. Use the language that they will need to use, “can I please play with you?”

Talk about emotions with children and label the emotions that you see in children. This provides them with the language they may need to describe how they are feeling. Use the Zone’s of Regulation – “I can see that you are very angry, what can we do to make you happy again?” The aim of the zones of Regulation is for a child to be in the green zone. You can use the Zone’s of Regulation for a child to point to how they are feeling.

Talk with the other children in your care about differences in a positive way. Children are very accepting but they may struggle to understand why an Autistic child does or says particular things. There are many children’s books available that explain Autism in an easy to understand manner.

If you are unsure on how to support a child who has additional needs, ask questions. Speak to your colleagues. Reach out to health professionals and support organisations so that you are informed and can plan for the child while they are in your care. The majority of therapy providers are more than willing to attend a service that the child goes to so that they can assist to put plans in place for the child. The more professionals helping the child, the better they will succeed in the future.

An even better way to find out more, is to speak with the child's family. They know their child the best!

Dear Teacher!

Yes, of course, you can ignore all the visual aides and sensory tools that we send to school for use with my children. Said no parent of an ASD child, ever!

I am growing rather tired of having the same conversations over and over again.

And it all has to do with the fact that apparently my children do not fit the mould of people's perceptions of what autism looks like. Pray do tell, what does autism look like?

So here is an open letter to all teachers in the future that may teach my little superheroes, or any other children for that matter, who require the use of visual aides or sensory breaks in class!

Dear Teacher,

My child has been placed into your class for this school year and as such I am putting my trust in you, that you will do the right thing by my children. Both of my children are eager little learners but there is a slight difference between my children and the other children that have been placed in your class.

You see, my children have autism, sensory processing difficulties and they learn differently to other children in your class.

First up, can you please place what you know about autism into the back of your mind - keep it somewhere easy to access but not directly at the fore front of your mind when you meet my child for the first time. You see there is a saying that goes "so you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism."

Every individual who is on the autism spectrum presents differently. Please don't assume that you know everything about autism based on your previous encounters with children who are on the spectrum. You know about how those children present with autism. You know very little about how my children present with autism. By the end of the school year you will know about how my children present with autism.

Just because my child doesn't fit into the idea, the perceptions, that you have about autism, doesn't mean that he will be able to cope in your classroom without assistance. Yes both of my children are verbal, but that does not mean that they understand your instructions. You may need to walk my child through what you want him to do. You may need to provide step by step instructions.

Every child has a different learning style, my children are no different. Both of my children are visual learners. Both of my children benefit from the use of visual schedules, social stories and visual choice boards in class.

My children's Occupational Therapist and Speech Therapist have put a lot of time and effort into creating numerous visual aides for us to utilise at home as well as for you to use in the classroom. 

The great thing about this is that you do not have to prepare any visuals, we will provide them all for you. All that we ask is that you actively use them in class with my child. Please do not put them in a basket and think that my child will access them by himself - he does not yet know how to independently use them. You will need to prompt him to use them.

These visuals make my children's lives a lot easier for them to understand and manage. When you start utilising them in your classroom, I can guarantee that you find teaching my child a much easier task.

We will also provide a sensory tool kit for my children to use in their respective classes. Both of my children enter into sensory overload on a regular basis. You may or may not notice when this occurs but believe me, we see the fall out at home after school. Every day.

When we say that they have had a rough afternoon, evening or night, please believe us. We do not make these things up for the hell of it. Just because you have not witnessed a meltdown at school, doesn't mean that they don't occur. You are more than welcome to visit our house anytime after three thirty in the afternoon after school on any school day to witness a meltdown. Please be warned, meltdowns are emotionally, mentally and physically draining for everyone.

My son needs regular sensory breaks to keep himself on track. Please let him have these sensory breaks. There is even a sensory break choice board for you to use.

Please let my children keep their sensory tool kits in an easily accessible place in class where they know where it is kept. A sensory tool kit is no use whatsoever when it is hidden from their sight. And heads up, if it is hidden from them, neither of my children will ask to use the sensory tools. It simply does not occur to them to ask.

Again you will see the benefits for allowing them to use their sensory tool kits in class.

I will apologise in advance if you feel that I am over stepping my mark as a parent, but I am my children's advocate. Neither of my children have yet found their voice to be their own advocate, so in the meantime, I am it.

I look forward to this year and hope that you enjoy having my child in your class.

Kind Regards,

This concerned Mumma Bear!

Autism Association of Western Australia Publications

**** Please note that I do not receive commissions of any kind in regards to the publications mentioned in this post. They are simply publications that we have found useful and informative. ****

We have a lot, and I mean a lot, to do with the Autism Association of Western Australia.

L has been attending Little Stars Early Intervention Centre, aka Tara's School, since February 2016. While there he has made some wonderful friends and has also made the most amazing progress.

We chose to go through the Autism Association for L's, and now O's, therapy as in our eyes they are the experts in the autism field in Western Australia.

Since 2016 we have purchased a number of the publications that have been produced by the Autism Association for our own reference but also to pass onto L and O's teachers and carers.

So I thought that I would do a short post on the publications that we've found useful. Please bare in mind that the opinions in this post are mine and mine alone.

All of the publications can be purchased through the Autism Association of Western Australia website.

Autism and Sport - What every coach needs to know.

We only recently found this book and immediately knew that we needed to purchase a copy of it. Both O and L love playing team and individual sports but they struggle when it comes to participating in training and on game day. The book is aimed at coaches and includes some very brief information about Autism Spectrum Disorder. It also talks about why inclusion is important, the strengths of people with autism and it also lists the potential difficulties that people with autism may face when engaging in sport. The book also talks about how coaches may be able to assist people with autism while they are engaging in sport and twenty tips for coaching success. What really drew my attention to the book were the social stories at the rear of the book. L and O love social stories, so these will definitely come into handy. The other great thing about this book is that much of the general information about helping children in the book would be great for coaches to use for all children.

Let's Play! Facilitating interactive play skills in children with Autism.

I purchased this book for the sole purpose to use at work. The book talks about the development of play in children and lists strategies that can be used to promote the further development of children's play skills. Much of the book are resources on different play themes - beach, animals, camping, things that go and so on. For each theme there is a list of suggested toys and materials, suggested activities, suggested learning targets, a visual choice board for each theme and a photo social story. Again there are also various social stories that focus on sharing and recess time.

GOOD nights.

As the title suggest this publication is all about sleep. It is a manual aimed at parents and carers of children who have autism who experience difficulties with sleep. Both L and O have difficulties with falling to sleep and L has issues with staying asleep. We do use Melatonin on both the little superheroes as well as various essential oil blends. This publication was useful in assisting us to understand the difficulties that children with autism may have with going to sleep. The book goes through the process involved in developing a sleep intervention plan and again it has visual choice board pictures and social stories to use.

MAKING SENSE of the senses for children with Autism.

Both O and L have sensory difficulties and at times we have struggled to explain the difficulties that they both face to their teachers and carers. This book is aimed at those who work with children with autism. The book initially talks about the sensory issues that children with autism may face and how these may impact on their behaviour. The book then provides strategies that may be used in the classroom in regards to the impacts of various stimuli. The book also provides general teaching strategies that can be employed in the classroom to assist children with Autism. The great thing about this book is that all of the strategies can be used to assist students of all abilities.

AUTISM IN THE CLASSROOM - A Resource Kit for Teachers of students with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

As the cover of the book states, there are three parts to this book. Part one contains information pertaining to what is an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) - it goes into detailed information about ASD, communication difficulties in individuals who have ASD, social impairment difficulties, restricted and repetitive behaviours, obsessions, sensory issues, anxiety issues and so on. Part two is titled "Making it Work" and it is all about making the curriculum accessible for students with ASD. Part two goes through the various difficulties that students that may have and provides strategies on how teachers may assist their students in each of the areas of difficulties. Part three goes into detail on how teachers may prevent and manage difficult behaviour. This is a publication that I wish that I had discovered earlier into our Autism journey but I am sure that it will be very useful in the future.

Autism Spectrum Disorder in early Childhood Settings - Facilitating Participation and Inclusion.

I purchased this book about twelve months prior to us gaining L's ASD diagnosis when I began to suspect that L may have been on the spectrum. I purchased the book for the sole purpose that it has a section devoted to positive behaviour support strategies. At the time we were struggling with dealing with L's behaviour and we used some of the strategies mentioned in the book at home. The book also has a section devoted to supporting skill development in children with ASD. I have utilised this book many times both at home and at with my charges at work.

Is it Autism?

This is a smallish book that is more aimed to teachers, carers and parents wanting to know about the traits of autism prior to a diagnosis being gained. It is a very useful publication for early childhood centres to have in their resources.

Autism - Parents Handbook.

This publication is not listed on the Autism Association of Western Australia website but it is an incredibly useful book. We were given this book soon after we received L's diagnosis and it includes everything and anything that parents and care givers need to know about autism providers, support services and advocates in Western Australia. If you have already embarked on your own autism journey, you'll know first hand that it is a minefield when it comes to locating information and support services. Having all of this information handy in one book is wonderful.

There are many more publications listed on the Autism Association of Western Australia website and my aim was to purchase a copy of each publication but alas we are moving to Queensland in a few weeks time!

I would love to hear of any autism specific publications that you have found useful. And remember to leave a link so that I can check them out!

Conversations can be and are heartbreaking!

Night time conversations with L can be absolutely heart breaking.

Late at night, or when L is meant to be going off to sleep, seems to be the time when he replays events, conversations and things that he observes throughout the day over and over in his mind.

Questions from L like .....

"Mummy, why can't I write words?"

"Mummy, why can't I write letters like my friends at school can?"

Questions such as these bring tears to my eyes on a much too regular basis.

Several nights ago L and I had a conversation that wasn't any easier than previous conversations. It started like this .....

"Mummy, why can't I read like sissy and H and R? I just wanna read a book a self!"

Oh my darling boy, my heart breaks every time that you ask me a question like this.

L is desperate to be able to read by "a self" as he so eloquently puts it. He loves learning. He loves books. He has a stash of his favourite books in his bedroom that he often hides on his bed. At least once or twice a day L will bring a book to O or one of us and request that we read it to him, over and over again!

He loves just watching me read when he should be going to sleep, although he becomes quite puzzled when he realises that the books that I read don't have pictures.

"That crazy Mummy! No pictures? No way!"

We usually try to turn conversations like these around and highlight the skills that L CAN do exceptionally well. Skills like swimming, running really fast, knowing all of the superheroes and so on.

We'll explain that he can swim incredibly well, but some of his friends don't find swimming easy to do. We explain that while L finds swimming an easy skill to learn, other people need to do lots of practice to be able to swim well.

And that while some people, like O, find reading very easy to do, he needs to practice to be able to read.

We've recently installed an app on our iPad that "reads" to L as he turns the page of the book within the app. He can not get enough of the app and will happily sit on the couch reading a book on the iPad. Most of the time while the app is running he is looking at the picture on the iPad but every now and then, we can see that his eyes are trying to follow the words of the book. Money well spent!

We also remind L that one day he will be able to read books just like his big sister and his school friends.

Phrases like "you will" and "one day you" and "you'll get there" are said many times every week in our house. Phrases like these seem to lift his spirits and spur L on to keeping trying and reaching new heights.

But we never focus on the things that L can't do yet, as we don't want the word "can't" to become a permanent fixture in his vocabulary.

We also never tell him that the reason that he is not yet able to read or write sentences is due to his autism. I'm not saying that L would, but I don't want him to use autism as an excuse to get out of something. I don't want L to become despondent that his autism, which he will have for life, may prevent him from picking up new skills at the same rate as his friends will learn the skills.

In saying this, L does know that he is autistic and we are instilling in him that autism is a different ability and that different is a great thing.

But it is at times like when we have these conversations that the reality of how hard life is with autism for L hits me like a tonne of bricks. It hits home hard.

I know that L will get there in his own time, just at the moment he just needs to work a little harder than O and his school friends.

I just wish that I could make life easier for him. I don't want to take the autism away as it is a part of who he is, I just wish that life was easier for him.

10 Things that I wish Teachers knew about Children with Anxiety

As an individual who has suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember and as a parent of a child with severe anxiety issues, there are certain things that I wish teachers and other educators knew about anxiety.

In regards to special needs education, anxiety is a relatively new concept and many people truly do not understand how difficult it can be for a child to live with anxiety. Every child deserves an equitable educational environment and for that to happen, school staff need to be aware of just how anxiety can affect children while they are in their care.

Anxiety is one of those hidden illnesses and at times, as an adult, it is difficult to explain how anxiety affects me. Imagine how much more difficult it must be for a child to articulate how anxiety is making them feel.

O, for most of the time, is able to “hold it together” while she is at school. But in saying that, her anxiety levels would be rising throughout the school day and there would be tell-tale signs that she needs assistance to calm herself down. Helping O to learn how to manage her anxiety has, in turn, helped me to manage mine.

So in the scheme of paying it forward, here is a list of things that I hope will help educators to understand how anxiety may affect their students. I will add that I am not claiming to be an expert on anxiety disorders, these are just observations that I have made over the years!

1.     Anxiety is more than just being worried, stressed, nervous or being a sensitive child.

Anxiety is a biochemical reaction that occurs in the body as a result of environmental factors or to put it in simpler terms, anxiety is simply the body’s reaction to brain stress. Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried. Stress and anxious feelings are a very common response when we feel under pressure and these feelings will usually pass once the stressful situation is removed. You might feel stressed leading up to a job interview or an exam but once the job interview or exam is over, the stressful feeling passes.

The term anxiety is used when these anxious feelings that an individual may have, simply don’t go away. The anxious feelings are more frequent and ongoing and often will present without any particular rhyme or reason. Anxiety doesn't discriminate and it does not care when it chooses to raise its ugly head.

O has become anxious over leaving a pencil at school in her school desk. She has worried about forgetting where she left her school hat. O has worried about forgetting to take her library book to school. O has become anxious because we forgot a step in her bedtime ritual. For some people, these worries may seem insignificant, to a child with an anxiety disorder, these are major worries.

At times, O has not been able to tell us what she is worried about, only that she has an immense feeling of worry and fear. At one point last year, O was in tears at school and when she was asked by her teacher why she was crying, O replied "I don't know."

And yes O can be a sensitive child, but she is sensitive because of her anxiety. Her anxiety causes her to overthink situations, experiences and conversations. Please do not dismiss a child simply because you think that they are being a sooky la la.

It is important not to dismiss a child’s anxious feelings as this will only make the situation worse. Their feelings need to be acknowledged. Let them know that their anxiety is real and that with your help, they can get through it. Acknowledge that they may need help from time to time and that this is perfectly okay. We all need a helping hand, it isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.

Being understood and not judged can make all the difference to a child.

2.     Parents need to be heard and listened to.

I have lost count of the number of times that we have been told “but O can’t suffer from anxiety, I’ve never seen that in her."

Parents who express concern over their child, whether it be to teachers, medical professionals, friends, they need to be heard and listened to. Many children, O included, are able to hold it together all day, only to crumble the minute they step inside their home, their safe haven.

Teachers and educators may never see this side of the child but that's not to say it doesn't happen. Yes, students are in your care for 6 hours, or there about, 5 days a week but you do not see the child when they are at their most vulnerable. You don't see them when they are shaking and in tears because they didn't understand their friends. You don't see them when they have no energy left to hold it together. You don't see the emotional and mental destruction that anxiety can cause.

Speaking from experience, anxiety can be a crippling experience. Anxiety can make it incredibly difficult to cope with day to day functioning. Anxiety can impact on an individuals quality of life. If not watched and managed, anxiety can manifest into larger mental health problems.

3.     Anxiety requires understanding, it is not something that can be turned on and off like a running tap.

Everyone feels anxious from time to time and when we feel anxious we may be able to reason with our thoughts to assist us to cope in stressful situations. This is not the case for a child suffering from anxiety issues. Their anxious feelings are not easily controlled and they may not be able to reason with their thoughts.

Telling a child who suffers from anxiety to stop worrying is not going to help. The only thing that the statement “stop worrying” will do is make the situation worse, ten-fold.

A child suffering from anxiety is most likely going to a huge massive ball of turmoil on the inside and even the simple act of breathing can pose a challenge to them. Any individual suffering from an anxiety disorder doesn’t want to be in that situation. They don’t want to be feeling the way that they are and in all honesty they probably wish that they could just snap their fingers and calm down.

But it isn’t that simple. Telling a child to calm down or stop worrying may make them feel shame, anger and frustration, which then adds extra anxiety as they try to deal with those emotions on top of the anxiety.

Please understand that an anxious child needs you to be patient, they may need your help to get them to calm down. They may need to escape from the stressful situation to assist themselves to come back to a calm state.

4.     Anxiety doesn’t look like one thing.

Everyone is different and it can often be a combination of factors that contribute to developing an anxiety disorder. At times, the symptoms of anxiety is not all that obvious. Anxiety may be a sudden onset in some and a gradual process in others.

Every individual that suffers from anxiety would have different triggers. Anxiety can present as different levels of intensity. Some individuals may be able to cope with high levels of anxiety, others may not.

One child may have completely different coping mechanisms to another.

And as with ASD, anxiety generally presents differently in girls and boys. Boys reactions to anxiety may tend to be more behavioural driven. Girls on the other hand may tend to internalise their reactions to anxiety. Both reactions require different strategies to manage the anxiety and also to teach effective coping strategies to the child.

As the ASD saying goes, so you've met one child with anxiety! No two are alike.

5.     Build a relationship with an anxious child.

If you get to know an anxious child, if you develop a good rapport with them it may mean the difference between being able to pick up on their triggers or not being able to.

Building a rapport with your students means that they are going to trust you enough to come to you for help.

You are then going to be able to pick up on their tell-tale signs throughout the day and perhaps assist in preventing them from getting to the edge of the anxiety precipice. This will make a huge different to a child.

6.     Odd behaviours often come about as a result of stress.

As a result of her anxiety O has developed some self-calming rituals. O will start chewing on things - clothes, pencils, books, anything really. O will start to rock on her chair. O will start to fidget with pencils, clothes, toys, again anything really. These are all her little cues that her anxiety is starting to become too much for her.

Telling a child to stop chewing on their shirt or to stop bouncing on their chair, is not going to help. The child has developed those self-calming rituals for a reason. Let them use them.

If the self-calming ritual is distracting for the rest of the students in your class, sit down with the child and their parents and discuss what other self-calming rituals can be employed instead.

7.     Develop strategies

Once you become aware of a child's anxiety issues perhaps you could meet with the child and their parents and draft a plan of strategies that the child can use when they feel their anxiety levels rising.

You could pre-plan and come up with your own strategies to help students in your class. Have a list of jokes to distract your students. Even a funny thought is sometimes enough of a distraction for children.

I have been using breathing exercises with my kindy children at work when they need a brain break and we're at the point now that the children are able to recognise when they need time out. They will walk away from the situation, take some deep breaths and walk back in a lot calmer.

There are a number of wonderful books available that can assist children to deal with anxiety and worry. We love the book "I have a Worry" and "The Angry Octopus.'

Keep in mind that older children may not want to be singled out in front of the peers. Perhaps you and the student come up with a secret signal so that they can discretely communicate with you when they need a brain break.

8.      Remain calm

Have you ever noticed that a calm teacher somehow magically ends up with a classroom of calm students?

An anxious child craves quiet and calm. If you speak with an anxious child in a quiet and calm voice, they are more than likely going to respond to you and listen to what you are saying. It is much easier to come back down to a calm state when the person who you are talking to is also calm.

O responds so much better when we remain calm. She is obviously still very much in an anxious state, but she is able to come down much easier.

9. Anxiety can be difficult.

Please remember that anxiety can be difficult not only for the child, but also for their family members who are in the firing line once the child gets home school.

Anxiety can make it incredibly difficult to focus and pay attention in the classroom. Imagine being overly worried about leaving the oven on a home and then having to go to work and put all your efforts into doing your job for the day. All the while with the thought "did I turn the oven off" running through your mind. That is what it is like with anxiety.

Anxiety may cause an A-grade student to fidget and want to move around. They're not doing this deliberately.

I remind myself regularly that behaviour is not done on purpose, it is done for a purpose. Why is your normally well behaved well mannered student misbehaving?

10. Anxiety is a part of the child, not the whole child.

Lastly the anxiety is part of the child, but it is not the whole child. I read somewhere, and at the moment I simply can’t recall where, that at times anxiety is part of a child like freckles are a part of another child.

Anxiety should never be looked at as a flaw. A child with anxiety has enough self-confidence issues, pointing out anxiety as a flaw is not going to help their self-esteem.

Focus on the positive aspects of the child. O is smart, she is kind and caring. Acknowledging those aspects are important as those are what make her the loving intelligent girl that she is.

O's anxiety does not define her, it is simply part of her being.