Thursday 16 January 2020

Thoughts from my children


O has always been very articulate in how she describes the world around her. A few years ago, I started writing down some of her thoughts about her anxiety, about Autism and life in general through her eyes. Late last year, L started chiming in with some of his thoughts.

So here are a few of her thoughts, and L's, for you to have a read of.

I love that everyday I get to view the world through their eyes.



[L .... Mummy, my dreams got lots of colours
What do the colours mean L?
L... Gold if the bestest kind of dream. Green is a good dream. Blue is a sad dream. Pink means a weird dream. Red is a scary angry dream and the baddest dream is black.
L, 6 years]



[I got Awes-tism.
That means that I awesome.
L, 7 years]


[Autism 101 #12
Sometimes I think in pictures, sometimes in words and sometimes I think in music. But mostly in pictures and music. That's why I love to sing. When I see or hear words, I think of pictures and sometimes sounds and music that mean what the word is.
O, 7 years.]


[I really don't like it when people say that I am special because I have Autism. In the dictionary special means better or greater than. I am not better or greater than my friends. i am just different because I have autism.
O, 8 years.]


[Autism 101 #25
I bounce when I am really happy or excited. I chew my shirt when I am worried. I need to bounce my feet in class sometimes. This helps me to keep my mind still. If my feet are busy, my mind stays still so that I can concentrate on my teacher. I don't realise that I am doing these things. It just happens.
O, 8 years.]


[When my feet are busy on my chair band, my mind is still and ready to learn.
O, 8 years.]


[When I'm anxious my brain feels like it is exploding. Exploding with everything that I feel, see and think. I think that's why I get confused. Am I anxious or do I feel sick. That's what my anxiety feels like.
O, 9 years.]


[Some people say that my little brother and I don't look Autistic. And that makes me sad. You can't see Autism. It's inside us. But if you get to know us, you will see our Autism. I just want people to stop saying that we don't look Autistic. It's not a compliment. It's and insult.
O, 10 years.]


[We're all different in so many ways. We have different coloured hair, we have different coloured eyes. We all have different hobbies. And our thoughts are different from each other. We need to celebrate these differences because these differences make us unique from each other.
O, 10 years.]


[Autism 101 #35
I won't grow out of my Autism. I will grow into my Autism. Autism is something that I was born with and it is something that will always be a part of me. I am constantly finding new ways to manage my anxiety and my sensory processing difficulties. I am more and more me every day.
O, 10 years.]


[Mummy, when I'm older, I want to be an Autism Advocate and help kids like me and my little brother just like you're advocating for us now. I want to be a VOICE for those who haven't found their voice yet.
O, 10 years.]


[Most of the time my anxiety is silent.
You can't see it or feel it. But I can.
O, 10 years.]


[My anxiety feels like I am carrying something extremely heavy. I can feel the heaviness of my anxiety but sometimes I don't know what's causing me to be anxious. And no matter what I do or how hard I try, I can't make my anxiety go away. The heaviness only goes when i can talk to Mummy and Daddy, or when my emotions take over completely.
O, 10 years.]


[Autism is a ability. But I don't think of myself as disabled. My Autism doesn't disable me. It trys to stop me from doing things that I like to do sometimes, but I can usually overcome what is holding me back. If anything, my Autism enables me to think differently and see the world around me differently.
O, 10 years.]


[When there is a lot of background noise like talking, music and other sounds, my brain finds it very difficult to concentrate on what I should be listening to. My brain becomes confused and my anxiety takes over. This is why I wear my headphones. They block out the background noise and my brain can filter out what I need to listen to.
O, 10 years.]


[When I read sheet music, the musical notes leap off of the sheet and dance vibrantly through my brain. My brain really comes alive and is so very colourful when I sing. I think that is why I love music and singing so much.
O, 10 years.]


[Most nights I find it hard to fall asleep even when I've had my melatonin. My brain just wants to go over everything that happened during the day so I have trouble shutting down my thoughts. If I've had a rough day with my anxiety, then it's even harder to turn off my brain because my amygdala takes over my brain.
O, 10 years.]


[Someone asked me "Aren't you afraid of standing out?" so I told them, "No, but I'm afraid of being someone that I'm not."
O, 10 years.]


[My anxiety used to be very intense. It was as though my amygdala was hijacking my brain when it thought that something was very stressful. Now, because I take my anxiety tablets, my brain doesn't let my amygdala take over. I still have worries, but I can see them much more clearly and my brain can think through how to solve my worries.
O, 10 years.]


[My brother and I see the world around us through a different lense than what our friends do. What we see might seem different to you, what we do might seem weird to some people. But if you look at the world through our lense, then what we do and see is perfectly normal.
O, 10 years.]


[I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud that I have Autism. Autism is one of the things that makes me unique.
O, 10 years.]


[When I am in sensory overload, it feels as though all of my senses are amplified so that everything that I see, smell, touch and hear are very sharp.
O, 10 years.]


[Autism 101 #15
When people accept me and my little brother for who we are, they've made a conscious effort not just to know what we do but also to understand and accept us for who we are and the things we do.
O, 10 years.]


[Autism 101 #10
Sensory overload feels like...
Too much noise makes me ears and brain hurt. It feels like mt brain is being squeezed so much that all the information inside and my thoughts are muddled and I can't work out what I need to concentrate on. My brain stops working and starts pounding and making more noise.
When I wear my headphones, they block our the noise around me, my brain works again and then I can concentrate on the important stuff, like my teacher giving instructions.
O, 10 years.]


[Autism 101 #16
I mask my Autism sometimes when I'm at school. Not because I want to be like everyone else but because I don't want to be singled out for being different. Masking my Autism is really hard. It takes a lot of energy to mask.
O, 10 years.]


[Sometimes I feel as my anxiety hinders me more than my Autism does. I know and understand that Autism manes that my brain works differently. But do I have anxiety as well. Having a brain that works differently is easy to understand. Anxiety is not easy to understand.
O, 10 years.]


[I'm never going to let my Autism or anxiety from stopping me doing the things that I love. They might slow me down but they won't stop me.
O, 10 years.]


[All children have needs. All children are special.
Being Autistic means that I have additional needs that other children might not have.
O, 10 years.]


[When I am having a meltdown it feels like I am having an out of body experience. I can see myself having a hard time but I can't stop myself from screaming and yelling. It's like my amygdala has completely taken over my brain to protect me from danger.
O, 10 years.]


[When I am feeling anxious, my amygdala hijacks my brain and zooms in on my worry.
My amygdala stops my brain from seeing the bigger picture. This makes me even more anxious because I know that I should be focusing on the bigger picture but I just can't.
O, 10 years.]


[When your child is anxious. instead of asking them 'are you okay,' you could ask them...
Can I sit with you? What does your worry feel like inside? Would you like to tell me about your worry? I am here for you. What is something that I can do to help you feel calmer? Let's try and think of some solutions to your worry. Being anxious is okay.
O, 10 years.]


[In the afternoon when I am asked 'how was your day,' sometimes I don't know how to answer because my brain is still processing and sorting all of the information that I've learnt at school that day. It is easier for me to answer specific questions about the subjects that I had at school that day.
O, 10 years.]


[Autism 101 #2
Autism is a part of me. It isn't everything that I am but it is a part of me. I am so much more than just an Autism diagnosis. I am me. I just happen to be diagnosed with Autism,
O, 10 years.]


[Autism 101 #5
I can make eye contact. But when I do, it hurts my eyes. Eye contact hurts my head. I know that I should but eye contact is very painful. And just because I'm not looking at your eyes, doesn't mean that I'm not listening.
O, 10 years.]


[Autism 101 #9
Autism makes me listen louder. It makes me feel things intensely - sounds, lights, thoughts, feelings. It makes me pay attention to everything all around me, all of the time. That's why I wear my headphones. They block out the noise so that I can concentrate.
O, 10 years.]


[Some people call our interests, obsessions. We call it having an indepth knowledge and intense interest in a specific topic.
O, 10 years.]


[I used to think that having anxiety meant that my brain was broken.
Now I know that having anxiety means that my brain, especially my amygdala, is working overtime to protect me.
O, 10 years.]


[Inclusion is everyone having a voice, even if they have a disability or not, and their voices being heard.
O, 10 years.]


I can't wait to see, and listen to my little superheroes thoughts in the future. They really are little old souls.

Saturday 11 January 2020

Coffee Memes Part 2!


Yes I love my coffee! I may, or may not, start each day with several cups of coffee. So on that theme, here are a few more coffee memes!