How to make a weighted blanket.

When we received L's provisional diagnosis in late 2015 we were searching for solutions to L's sleep issues, or lack of wanting to sleep thereof.

One sensory tool that I kept stumbling across were weighted blankets. A weighted blanket can be used as a calming tool and/or for aiding in the individual to get to sleep.

A weighted blanket essentially provides an individual with both deep tissue pressure and sensory input. Researchers have found that deep tissue pressure stimulates the release of serotonin. Serotonin is a chemical in the brain that works as a neurotransmitter in the regulation of an individuals mood, sleep and sensory perception. A weighted blanket mimics deep tissue pressure, or proprioceptive input, and can therefore have a calming and soothing effect.

I initially looked into purchasing a weighted blanket however due to the process involved in making one, they can be quite expensive.

So me being the crafty person that I am and being willing to give anything a go, I decided to try and make one.

It was quite a fiddly process, especially when it came time to sew the beads into the blanket but it was also very rewarding to see the blanket start to resemble a weighted blanket.

Unfortunately I didn't take any photos of each step so you will have to make do with my dodgy drawings!

Prior to making the blanket I did speak to quite a few Occupational Therapists about what weight blankets should be. One that I spoke to said that the blanket had to be 10% of L's body weight. Another said that this wasn't necessary. The answer that you will receive will honestly depend on which OT that you speak to.

The one thing that was consistently said was that if you are using the blanket to aid in sleep then the blanket should be taken off once the child is asleep so that a) the child doesn't overheat and b) the blanket doesn't pin them down. I was also told that as long as the blanket was heavy enough to provide deep tissue pressure but light enough that the child can easily remove it, then that is all that matters.

So, let's get into the tutorial!

I decided to make a lap blanket. The end product was roughly 80 cm by 60 cm. I used polar fleece for the blanket outer as I had metres of the stuff in my sewing cupboard!

You will need:

- Decide on the measurements of the blanket and then double it to get the fabric measurement. I used roughly 1 metre of wide polar fleece.
- Lots of small organza bags that the beads can be put into.
- Lots of poly pellets stuffing beads. I used the ones that are normally used in making teddy bears and soft toys. I used roughly 4 kilograms of beads. These can be quite expensive but you can buy them in bulk off of Ebay - buying in bulk is the inexpensive way. I used the beads as opposed to rice or wheat so that if the blanket needs a wash, the beads would dry easily and there isn't the possibility that the filling would swell over time.

What to do:

1. Cut two rectangles out of your chosen fabric and place them right sides together.

2. Pin 3 raw edges of the fabric, leaving one long raw edge unpinned.

3. Sew the three pinned raw edges. I did one row of straight stitch and one row of zig zag to give the blanket seams extra strength. In effect you have made a giant pocket.

4. Turn the fabric right sides out. I then did a row of straight stitch around the three sides, starting about an inch in from the open side of the pocket.

5. Now comes the thinking part. You need to decide on how many channels you want on the blanket. These channels are what you are going to put the beads into to weight the blanket. Word of warning though, if you make the channels too thin, it makes getting the beads into the blanket even more fiddly than it needs to be. I randomly measured the channels and then pinned them so that I knew where to sew.

6. Sew along each of the pinned lines making sure that you back stitch each end of the line to stop it from unravelling. I started each line about 1 inch from the edge of the open side of the pocket.

7. Now you need to fill the organza bags with the beads. The reason I did this was that on the off chance that L would be a little too rough with the blanket or chewed on it, I didn't want the beads coming loose. Make sure that the beads are distributed evenly between the bags so you'll also need to determine how many "individual pockets" you want in the blanket. Make sure that you also tie off the bags securely.

And to state the obvious, the larger the blanket the more beads you are going to need for the weight.

8. Now the fiddly part. You need to put the filled organza bags into the channels. Once you have filled each channel with one bag, you will need to sew off the row so that when the blanket is lifted up, the bags don't all slide to one side.

I did one row at time, leaving a gap of approximately 1cm between the edge of the bag and the pins. I also sewed each row before filling the next so that it went through my sewing machine easier.

In each row I alternated bags of beads and a ball of hobby fill, only because I didn't purchase enough of the beads. Again, how you fill the blanket really depends on your preference as to how heavy you want the blanket to be.

9. Once you have finished one row, continue onto the next using step 8 until the channels are full. When I got to the last row, I left a seam allowance of approximately 1 inch so that the raw edges could be folded over.

10. When the last row is in, fold the raw edge inwards so that the seam is neat. I found this to be the hardest part to sew, as the blanket had some significant weight to it and kept wanting to slide off of my sewing machine arm. I also did 2 rows of straight stitch to ensure that the seam was quite strong.

And voila, you're finished!

L loves his weighted blanket, it is part of his sensory bag that he takes to school each day. He doesn't need to use it every day but it is always there.

I would love to see your weighted blankets too.

I’m Rocking Motherhood – and spinning and flapping and bouncing…..

When I first became a mum in 2009 I was absolutely elated and terrified all at the same time. I was besotted by my little girl and vowed to do anything and everything to protect her and help her to grow. But I was terrified that I would stuff it all up. In the following few months after her birth I had quite a few doubts about my abilities and was subsequently diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. Being put onto medication helped me to realise that I was doing a fine job at the motherhood gig.

After just over 8 years of motherhood and two little superheroes later, I know that I am not perfect but I do try my hardest to be a good mum. I have my good days and also my not so good days but I am rocking motherhood to the best of my abilities! I still have moments where I doubt my abilities or second guess myself, don’t we all, but these days I try not to beat myself up about it.

I saw this rocking motherhood challenge a few months ago and thought that it was a brilliant idea. We, and I’m talking both mums and dads here, spend a lot of time beating ourselves up, that at times we fail to recognize all of the great things that we do as parents. It’s as if we take for granted how we are rocking this parenting gig. I am slowly learning to acknowledge all the great things that I do for my little superheroes and I am becoming better at accepting the recognition from others. But it has taken me a long time to get to this point.

Thank you Tina from over at No You Need to Calm Down for nominating me to complete the 10 Ways I’m Rocking Motherhood Challenge. By the way Tina I love your blog title, I’m sure that I have said that phrase numerous times over the last 8 years! When you’ve read my Challenge response, why don’t you head on over to Tina’s blog and read what she had to say about how she is rocking motherhood.

When I accepted the challenge to show the ways in which I am rocking motherhood, I then had to start thinking about 10 different ways in which I am rocking this gig. Mmmmm, not as easy as I thought.

I came up with a few ways but then came to a complete mind blank. So I did what Tina did – she pretended that somebody told her that she was a bad mum and you can imagine the response that that evoked. Well, I too would tell them “#@#* off” and remind them that they really should start sleeping with one eye open.

Then I came up with the rest of the ways that I rock motherhood!

I don't always put my little superheroes first.....

Now when you first read this you're probably thinking that that is really poor form on my behalf but it really isn't. I always ensure that my little superheroes are fed, clothed and looked after, their medical needs are always attended to and their schooling needs are always met but to do all of this I have to look after me first. This has literally taken me 8 years to fully understand the importance of. There are times when I need a break before I can attend to my little superheroes needs. At times I do need to walk away from situations and take some deep breaths before I go back in.

There are times when I do need to complete chores before I can help them out. And personally I think this is a good thing as my little superheroes are learning that they're not going to be waited on hand and foot. They're learning patience and sometimes, just sometimes, they start doing whatever they want done by themselves so they are also learning independence.

I can turn everyday run of the mill household chores into a therapy activity.....

Everything at superhero headquarters can be turned into a therapy activity at the drop of a hat. Helping to hang out the washing on the line helps develop their sensory proprioception awareness as they are carrying items of different weights. Using the pegs to hang out washing develops their fine motor control. Drying dishes in the kitchen helps with crossing their midline. Putting toys away is another activity that helps develop their proprioception awareness. If I can see a therapy opportunity, I will make the most of it!

I learn from my mistakes and own up when I make them....

I am not perfect, I do make mistakes and when I do I always own up to them. I think that it is good for my little superheroes to see that I do make mistakes, that I do forget things at times as they can then see that you don't have to be perfect. My little superheroes will learn that everyone makes mistakes. They see and hear me saying sorry and taking responsibility so that the next time that they make a mistake, they know that it is okay and that they should say sorry too. For me it is important to admit when I am wrong and to then try to do better. This is something that I want my little superheroes to understand.

I play hide and seek with my little superheroes......

And I join in on their water fights. We read books under the dining room table. We eat icy poles in winter. I dance in public with them, well I try to and usually get shot down! I wear the superhero shirts and outfits that they choose as presents for me. We bounce on the trampoline at 3am in the morning, although not sure how the neighbours feel about that! I join in on their games even when the games make no sense to me what so ever! It is these little indulgences that bring me most joy! I try to teach my little superheroes that they don't always need the television on. I want them to stretch their imagination and not always have to depend on an external source of entertainment. I want them to have fun!

I have taught my little superheroes all I know about manners......

Please, thank you, you're welcome, thank the chef, bless you and so on. Basic manners seem to be disappearing from society. I am determined that my little superheroes will know what manners are and be able to use them. Although when we're at home, you'd be wondering where my polite little superheroes have disappeared to as when we are in public they are both always being complimented on their manners.

I am letting my little superheroes learn the skills that they need to navigate through life......

At times it would be much easier to do things for my little superheroes, but they have to learn how to do things for themselves. Independence is a skill that does need to be practiced and I want my little superheroes to try things by themselves first before I step in. From doing household chores, to tying their shoelaces, to letting O do research on the computer and learning how to manage her anxiety and everything in between. I am always there to help them back up if they fall and to help them with a step if they are truly struggling but I do want them to pave their own way in this world. Doing it this way I am also enabling their confidence to grow!

And on the occasion that they whinge and whine at me and tell me that it isn't fair that I am "making" them do things, I politely tell them that no it isn't fair, it's actually raining outside! Seriously we do that in our place! I remind them that life isn't always fair, we do have to suck it up and get back on with life but at the same time I show them empathy and explain that I do understand why they are upset. Then I explain why I am asking them to try something first before asking for help and then the penny drops.....

I am patient, well most of the time......

What is the saying, that patience is a virtue? In an ASD house, patience really is a virtue. One of the crucial things that I learnt very early on in our autism journey was that patience is a must. Like when my little superheroes are tripping over their words or when L is changing his clothes for the 4th time on a Saturday morning or when we're trying to get L back to sleep at various times throughout the night. Becoming frustrated is a fruitless activity, all frustration does is make the situation worse and O or L will usually end up in a meltdown.

I am regularly told that I have the patience of saint but really I don't, you just don't see me grinding my teeth or biting my tongue so that I stay silent! And when I do find myself becoming impatient that is when I will walk away, breathe and count to 10!

I am my little superheroes advocate....

Being my little superheroes advocate is one thing that I am very proud of. Until my children find their own voices and become their own advocate, I am doing that for them - that is one of my roles as a parent. Every child deserves the best, every child deserves to have their health, well being and best interests to be taken care of. Raising children with special needs is complicated and you do have to take on the role of being an advocate as well as being a parent. Being an advocate does make the parenting gig a little harder but seeing my little superheroes progress makes it all worth while.

I have learnt when to push and when to let it slide.......

I really do pick my battles and on a daily basis.  Is that fact that L is dressed in a power ranger costume with his school uniform underneath really such a terrible thing? Nope, at least he has clothes on! If they want spaghetti or baked beans most nights for dinner, at least they are eating something. There are times when I do need to push them, like when O needs to do her homework or when L needs to brush his teeth, and I have no hesitation in pushing them to do these things. But if it isn't essential and by pushing my little superheroes means that a meltdown will occur, then we'll let it slide. That's not to say my little superheroes get their own way all the time, we just find different ways to approach the situation. We become creative!

I love my little superheroes unconditionally......

No matter where we are or what has just happened, my little superheroes know that they can always come for a hug and that I love them. Life with meltdowns can and is hard. At times my little superheroes say and do things that they aren't fully aware of and that they don't mean. They have said some very hurtful things. But at the end of the day I still love them and I will always love them. And I want my little superheroes to know that I do love them unconditionally, no matter what.

At the end of each and every day before I go to bed, I go and check on both my little superheroes, more so O as she does sleep in her own bed. I gaze at their peaceful faces and I kiss them goodnight. And then I think, yep I am doing a great job at this motherhood gig!

My hope in writing down my 10 ways in which I am rocking motherhood is that others will start thinking about and acknowledge the ways in which they also rock motherhood.

The following mums inspire me, I think they are rocking motherhood and I am hoping that they too will take up the challenge to list the 10 ways in which they rock! So the challenge is being passed to Breyona over at Savage Seven Blog, Trisha over at Plant Based Mummy, Whitney over at the Modern Chic Mom and Dre Deoshree over at Ethnically Mom.

I'd also love to hear about how you are rocking motherhood, or parenthood!

What is a Sensory Body sock and how can I make one?

Have a guess at how many times I have been asked these question in the last few weeks..... Actually don't guess, they've been asked on numerous occasions and by many different people.

A sensory body sock is a sensory tool that L's Early Intervention centre uses for the children. We have two at home and they are magical. They're quite common among ASD families.

The idea behind the body sock is that the child, or adult, gets into the body sock to release pent up energy, to gain sensory input. to have a sensory break or to simply calm down. It has many uses and I must say that it is quite calming.

By pushing and stretching against the fabric, the individual feels the resistance which in turn stimulates their sensory receptors.

The smaller the body sock, the more resistance is given. The larger the body sock, the less resistance will be felt and as such the body sock becomes less effective.

I will say that I was on the receiving end of many a strange look as I was purchasing metres of brightly coloured spandex! The ladies at my local fabric store are now very well versed in sensory body socks. I even had to take in a photo of a body sock in action so that they could see how it is used.

In the last few weeks I have made three body socks and I have three more to make. I initially looked into purchasing a body sock however once I saw the price, I very quickly decided to try and make one. Put it this way, for the price of a body sock already made up I could have purchased 15 metres of spandex! That's a lot of leggings!

And wouldn't you know it, the body socks actually turned out quite well.

They are very easy to make so I thought that I would do up a tutorial for those who may want to attempt to make their own.

So here goes.......

What you will need:
Approximately 1 metre of spandex or lycra type fabric. The fabric must be stretchy. I found that 1 metre was the perfect length for O's body sock. The best bet is to measure the individuals height and that is roughly how many metres of fabric you will need.

Step 1:
Fold the fabric in half lengthways and pin the raw long edge. Make sure that you leave an opening on the long raw edge about a quarter of the length in. The opening needs to be wide enough for the child to get into the bag. I left an opening of about 30cm.

Step 2:
I got L to lie on the pinned fabric so that I could measure exactly how long the body sock needed to be. To get the full benefit of the body sock, it has to be just a little bit longer than the height of the individual who will be using it. For L's I had to cut off a small strip that I then turned into a sensory chair band - more on that later!

Step 3:
Sew the long raw edge, leaving the opening unsewn. I reinforced the edges close to the opening as it was going to get a lot of work out as my little superheroes went into and out of the body sock. I also zigzagged the raw edge for extra strength.

Step 4:
Open the body sock up so that the long seam that you just made, runs down the centre of the sock. You have essentially created a tube.

Step 5:
Pin the short edges of both ends of the tube. I folded the raw edges over to give them a little more strength.

Step 6:
Sew the short edges. I did two rows of straight stitch and one row of zigzag to give the ends more strength. The ends of the sock are where the most stretching is going to occur, especially the corners.

Step 7:
Turn the body sock through the opening that you left so that the seams are on the inside and it is then ready to be played with.

As soon as I made L's body sock he was in it. They are a really useful sensory tool. It took me about half an hour to sew and cost less than $10 to make!

I hope that my instructions are clear enough. Would love to see photos of the body socks that you make! Happy sensory seeking!

Dear Teenage Self

Since going through the ASD diagnosis process with both L and O, I have begun to realise things about my younger self. Speaking with O's psychologist, I've become more aware of how I felt as a teenager.

And it is all making sense now - how I used to think, how awkward I felt, how little I understood about others behaviour and language, how badly I wanted to fit in....

When I said to O's psychologist that I had a hunch that perhaps I was on the spectrum, her reply was "I can spot an Aspie when I see one!"

Well, no need for a formal diagnosis then!

Knowing what I know now, would have been incredibly useful as a teenager and if I was able to write a letter and send it back in time to my teenage self to help that person get through life, this would be it......

Dear me,

It is called Aspergers.

Being a teenager with Aspergers is hard and unfortunately it will get harder but it will be all work out in the end.

You think differently and there is nothing wrong with that. Others say that you are weird but you're not. You're just different and that is okay.

Different is good and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Don't try to fit in, just be yourself. There are people who like you for who you are. Chances are, they are also struggling to fit in and trying to find their way in the world.

If others around you mock you, that is not your fault. They are the ones with the issue. They are the ones with the low self esteem. They are only trying to get you down to make themselves feel better.

As much as words hurt, please try not to let their words get to you. Let the words roll off your back like water rolling off a ducks feathers. This in itself is a skill to be learnt and it just takes practice.

Your anxiety, while not normal, is typically common in individuals with Aspergers. And guess what, others around you also suffer from anxiety, they're just better at hiding it. Ask for help, let people around know that you are struggling. You will get through it, but trust me it is easier when you have others helping you. Put aside your pride and ask for help, you will feel much better in the long run. The mask becomes much harder to maintain.

You struggle to understand social situations, emotional and non-verbal cues and that is also common with Aspergers. Look it up in the library and read as much as you can about Aspergers, you'd be surprised just how much there is to learn.

Yes some of the anxiety and the struggles you are experiencing are simply part of being a typical teenager, but most of it is being an Aspie. But in saying that, this isn't an excuse and you will need to learn how to cope and manage.

Keep in contact with those who are accepting of who you are and understand you. Their support is vital to your emotional well being. Seek out like minded people and form your own pose.

There are others like you - Temple Grandin is one. The classical musicians and the scientists who you admire are all thought to have Aspergers. These people did great things in this world. You too can and will do great things. Be proud of your achievements.

Keep aiming high, you will get there.

When you are older and have children, you will have an advantage as you will understand what they are going through and you will be able to assist them to understand the world around them. Long time family friends will tell you just how alike you and your daughter are and it all starts to make sense.

Life does get harder before it gets easier.

But you turn out fine, so please stop worrying so much, relax and enjoy the ride.

Why being an advocate is hard but also rewarding.

I have always been one to stand for what I believe in and back people when they need me too. Even if the situation will put me between a rock and a hard place and potentially make life uncomfortable, I can be counted on.

Having two young children who are both on the spectrum has meant that I have become their advocate and I feel as though I am constantly between that rock and the hard place. And let me tell you, this advocate business can be brutal and it is hard. Really hard.

As a parent it is our job to make the decisions that ensure our children's health, well being and best interests are looked after. Add being an advocate to that and the parenting gig becomes a whole lot more complicated.

There are advocate agencies that can do all the hard yards for you but at the end of the day, they get to go home. They get to switch off and relax. Their invested interest in you and your family is purely a financial interest and not necessarily a personal interest.

Being a parent as well as my little superheroes advocate means that I don't switch off, not fully anyway. I am thinking 24/7 about how I can best help my little superheroes. It is much more personal and much more intense.

As an advocate you have to learn the jargon and talk the talk. You have to learn the correct terms to use when speaking with funding bodies. You have to try and predict your child's future needs. And at times there is a very fine line between accommodating your child's needs and enabling their helplessness.

As an advocate you have to make some pretty intense decisions. Decisions that could impact on my little superheroes future. Which funding body do we apply too? What type of therapy is best going to assist my little superheroes? What therapy provider can provide the best therapy for my little superheroes? What school to attend? Support worker or no support worker? Which specialist do we ask for a referral to? And the list goes on.

As an advocate people can become peeved at you very quickly and on a regular basis. I have one particular person at the moment who I am fairly certain is avoiding me and my phone number! I am sure that every time she sees my number come up on her phone she starts thinking "goddammit, not her again, what does she want now?"

Being an advocate does make you unpopular with some, it can make situations uncomfortable as you are there to fight for your child. It can cause pleasant conversations to escalate at a spectacular rate. At times I do feel like I am a bother, that I'm the overbearing, overreacting parent when I need to approach an agency or the school again. As an advocate you have to take things up over and over again and you do have to make calls and send emails that no parent wants to make. You have to question decisions that other people make for your children and this in itself can cause friction.

Being an advocate is tiring, emotionally, mentally and physically. I am constantly doing research into different therapy and sensory aids, making phone calls, sending emails, constantly evaluating everything. It is exhausting and I have to constantly remind myself to take time out for me.

Being an advocate feels like you have to break down barriers on a much too regular basis. It honestly feels like a minefield and some days it feels as though we take one step forward and three steps backwards. There is always a hurdle to climb over or a hoop to jump through. And then when you finally think that you have got it right, boom, the goal posts shift and you have to start all over again.

BUT

Being an advocate is also a very rewarding experience.

You get to meet and make friends with some fairly awe inspiring people. People who don't think twice about helping others. People who invest a whole lot of time into helping us because they genuinely love our little superheroes. These people become part of your inner circle and you can count on them. Their invested interest becomes a more personal one.

Being an advocate means that in some cases we have been able to set a benchmark for funding and others will benefit. We've done the hard yards so that others don't have to. They can learn from our experience.

Being an advocate means that I am able to pass my knowledge onto others who ask for help. We have the opportunity to educate others and to raise awareness of autism. Yesterday I took O to a fabric shop to purchase some fabric to make her sensory body sock. When the shop assistant asked what we were making with the fluro pink spandex, O and I were able to introduce her to a new concept and the shop assistant now knows what a sensory body sock is, how it actually works and the benefits of it.

Being an advocate means that I have seen my little superheroes make the most amazing progress. L has come so far in such a short amount of time. And I love watching O maturing in how she handles different situations and how she is now wanting to help her friends who suffer from anxiety.

As an advocate I have become mentally stronger, tougher and more stubborn, if that is possible! I have learnt more about myself. I have learnt that I am capable of handling tough situations. I have learnt that no matter how low our journey can become, I will always dust myself off, get back up and keep going.

It would be easier and quicker to give in and I can see why people do just that. But then what sort of future would that leave for my little superheroes?

What sort of an example am I setting to my little superheroes by giving in?

I want my little superheroes to realise that it is okay to fight for what is right. O has already started doing that by standing up for her friends when they are being left out or excluded. I want my little superheroes to believe that they are capable of so much more. And that even when it is hard or scary or exhausting, that they are capable of going on.

Why do I continue being an advocate? Because that is my job as a parent. Every child deserves the best and every child needs an advocate until they find their own voice. It is my job as a parent to ensure that my little superheroes voices are heard.

Being an advocate is hard but I will keep being the advocate for my little superheroes for as long as they want and need me to. I wouldn't change anything for the world.

Being an advocate is hard but the rewards far outweigh the difficult moments.

I have a dilemma.............

We have a slight dilemma at the moment at superhero headquarters, O has started using her ASD diagnosis as an excuse for almost everything. "I don't like noise because.......," "I can't calm down because......," "I'm using this voice because...," and so on.

It is the one thing that we were concerned about occurring, that either of the little superheroes would see their ASD diagnosis as an excuse for not trying their hardest or use their ASD diagnosis as a reason to get out of doing something or for certain behaviors.

Using a disability or a diagnosis as an excuse is one of my pet dislikes. Oh I can't do that because I have x, y or z. This really doesn't sit well with me.

I went through high school with a young lady who was blind. Her sight impairment did not stop her from learning to play the bass guitar - she was simply amazing. A music teacher would give her the sheet music translated into braille and she would be able to learn it in one go. Her sight impairment did not stop her from graduating year 12 at the top of her class. In fact when she graduated, she received the highest marks out of all the year 12's in the state for that year! This young lady could have easily said that she couldn't do it, but she didn't.

A disability shouldn't stop you from doing your best, you may just need to try harder or take a few detours to get to where you want to go. A disability is a reason why an individual may exhibit certain behaviour or take longer to get to where they want to go, but it certainly does not excuse their behaviour.

An ASD diagnosis explains why both my little superheroes have meltdowns however they both need to learn that meltdowns are not an acceptable behaviour.

So what can we do with miss O?

Well, generally, and it sounds quite harsh, but we just ignore the "because I have autism" part of the statement. By acknowledging that part of the statement we are reinforcing her beliefs that autism is going to stop her from trying her hardest.

Both my little superheroes, at times, struggle when there is a lot of back ground noise however noise is a part of life. Throughout life we all come into contact with noisy environments, they are not something that can be totally avoided.

What we can do is provide the little superheroes with strategies that they can use to reduce the impact of various situations on them. We want to be able to empower them both with skills and strategies that they can take with them through life.

We talk constantly with both little superheroes about what they are capable of doing, of their strengths and we try very hard not to focus on their weaknesses. And we ask others to do the same.

We don't make a big deal out of their ASD diagnosis unless it is absolutely necessary. For L this is
usually when his ASD becomes a safety issue. For O it is usually when we are explaining her anxiety.

In the last few weeks we have had many tantrums, as opposed to meltdowns, when O has disagreed with what we've had to say about her autism and the fact that it isn't stopping her from trying her hardest. It is her fear of failure which then sets off her anxiety. This is something that we are working very hard to help O to overcome. And I am sure that there will be many more tantrums to come before O comes to the realisation that she can overcome her fears.

I can see that in some situations it would be easier just to say "nope can't do it, not even going to try, I give up." But this is not a scenario that you will see in superhero headquarters. I will always encourage my little superheroes to try their hardest, to test their abilities and reach for the stars.

Their ASD is not a weakness, it is just a different ability.

Little Superheroes and their friends....

Just recently I have been able to see the interactions between my little superheroes and their friends in various situations and it has truly been wonderful.

O has always been a social little superhero, she easily makes friends. No matter where we are or where we go, she will be the one that always says "I made a new friend." She quite often won't know their name but she will happily play with them. O doesn't always understand social situations so keeping a good circle of friends has always been the tricky part for her.

L on the other hand has always struggled to make and keep a good group of friends. It is only in the last 16 months since L has begun to understand others emotions that he has really leapt forward in leaps and bounds on the friendship front.

So here is a letter to the friends of my little superheroes.

Please don't ever change. You all bring so much joy to my little superheroes, they are both so happy to talk about their friends at school and at OSHC.

You just get them. You understand that they are different, you've embraced their unique differences and yet you overlook their differences and only see what you have in common with each other.

I hope that you know just how much your friendship really means to both O and L. Even though they don't always express their gratitude to you, they really do love spending time with you. I can see this when they scan the classroom, the playground, the OSHC hall for you and their faces light up when they see you.

When you play together, my little superheroes personalities shine through, their anxiety lessens, they can be themselves and I am able to get a better look at who they are and who they will be in the future.

When L is having a rough day, you understand and don't push him. You let L come to you when he is ready and there is no judgement.

When O is struggling with the noise around her, you remind each other to lower your voices and
when she is struggling with her anxiety, you are there for her, always reassuring her that everything is going to be okay.

Each of you have so many different qualities and you are all delightful little humans.

And when you have questions about my little superheroes behaviour, you are kind towards them and it is obvious that you really want to know the answers so that you can understand them. Then when you find out the answers, you take it in your stride and take the information on board.

Young H, you make me so happy about how protective you are of L. When L hurt his thumb a few weekends ago and Daddy superhero joked about cutting L's thumb off, you put a protective arm around L and said "no he needs his thumb, he just needs a band-aid." H you show compassion beyond your 5 years.

And young R, you are such a character and you are just a gorgeous little boy. You understand L when he is having a rough morning and you just let him be. You let L crawl all over you and you never complain, or not out loud anyway! You let L give you a hug goodbye every time he is leaving, thank you!

L, you seem so mature beyond your 5 years. You've always looked out for my L at kindy and now at school. You are the one that reminds L that he needs to put on sunscreen and his hat because "remember no hat, no play L!" And then when my L didn't want to put his hat on, you sat under the verandah with him to keep him company so that he could look at what you were holding.

Little miss G, you see L for who he is and this makes me very happy. "But he looks like me, he's normal." Last year, L always wanted to make sure that you were okay when you were having a rough day. He used to become very worried about you and he misses seeing you every day. "Where my G?" he asks on a daily basis!

Little miss H, I am told by everyone, that you have been taking L under your wing at school and at OSHC to the point that O has been getting upset at home "but L won't play with me at OSHC, he just wants to play for H!" But O is also secretly pleased as it means that she can play with her friends!

Little miss P, did you know that L is keeping an eye for you at school? L tells me "I look for P and I make sure she okay!" You two may not have much to do with each other, but L remembers you!

Miss L, when O was having a very rough morning at school a few weeks ago, you really stepped up without being asked. I'm not sure if you realised just how much you helped O to calm down. O still talks about how much you helped her. Did you know that the play dates that you two have had these last couple of weeks are the first ones that she has had, that I haven't had to come and collect her just after they've started. You are also the first friend that O has felt comfortable to stay with at your house without me being there. That is a huge thing in regards to O's anxiety!

Miss E, you and O are so much alike and you both just get each other. You have so much in common and I truly think that is why you two get along so well. O is always concerned about you when she hears that you've had a rough day.

Miss C, I think O has found a mother hen to look after her and I love that. You were the one to remind everyone to keep their voices down when O was struggling with the noise level. Thank you for taking that information on board.

To G, G, T, G, G, M, A, A, A and S (O has lot's of friends whose names start with the letter G and the letter A!) O may not remember what school work she does each day but she is able to tell us who she played with or who kept her company or who she has helped when you've been having a rough day. She values each and every one of you.

Master W, you are the only male friend that O constantly talks about. She loves playing games with you because she understands the rules! Thank you for accepting who she is and making her feel welcome at school when she first started in 2015. You don't know how much you assisted O to settle into the new school environment! You were honestly a huge help!

The fact is, you all probably have no idea just how much both O and L will need your friendships in the coming years. Right now being friends is relatively easy. You all have your ups and downs, but staying friends is relatively stress free. As you enter upper primary and high school, friendships can become stronger but they can, at times, also become harder to maintain.

As you become older, peer pressure begins to come into play more and some of my little superheroes mannerisms that are okay to you now, may begin to cause embarrassment. Other children may make fun of my little superheroes mannerisms and at some stage you may need to chose whether you want to stand by O and L or bow to the peer pressure from others.

I can't make promises for what will happen in the future but what I can promise is that you will always be the ones that O and L will remember and seek out. Whenever there are new faces around them, you are the ones that O and L feel comfortable with. O and L will always have your back and they will stand up for you when you need someone to stand up for you.

You all show compassion and a level of maturity that is beyond your young years. I hope that you all keep thinking long and hard about what it means to be kind. I hope that you all keep choosing to do the right thing especially when the feelings of other children are at stake. I hope that you all keep being yourselves because you really are all beautiful children. You all have very kind hearts.

I know that I have doubted my parenting skills at times and I am sure that at some stage your own parents have probably doubted their own skills too. But your Mums and Dads are doing a wonderful job at raising compassionate kind thoughtful children.

My little superheroes friends, thank you for being you.