Friday 24 February 2017

Life is like a Rollercoaster with Scary Clowns Lurking in the background

Several weeks ago we had a very, very interesting week. And when I say interesting I mean challenging, overwhelming, frustrating, exhausting and heartwarming. And it’s taken me until now to work up the courage to write this.

Daddy superhero was away for work and the little superheroes really struggled to understand where and why he went.

They both know that sometimes Daddy has to go on an aeroplane for work but they haven’t quite grasped the concept that it doesn’t mean that he’s gone on holidays. O has started calling his work trips "workadays." O knows that Daddy is doing work but she also thinks that Daddy is doing some sight seeing.

In L’s mind, the last time that we all went to the airport, we went on a fun holiday. So L was adamant that Daddy had gone on a holiday too, without us. It was quite logical to a 4 year old and you can imagine the response that the thought of Daddy going on a holiday without us brought on.

L also decided that for that week sleep was optional, every night.

By Friday morning I was completely overwhelmed by the little superheroes, by the lack of sleep and by the subsequent stress that the week brought on me. This feeling of being completely overwhelmed brought on a panic attack, the first one that I have had in a very, very long time and I ended up at my GP where one of nurses made me have a sleep. Thank you Sue xx

The week ended well, I caught up on sleep, L and O caught up with their friends at a birthday party and a lovely friend came over to help with the little superheroes. I can’t say thank you to Alisha enough.

But that week got me thinking that our Autism journey really can be likened to a ride on a rollercoaster at a funfair.

Life in general can be likened to a rollercoaster. Life can be beautiful, crazy, emotional, exciting, frustrating, difficult and amazing all at the same time.

There are many moments of immense joy, excitement, thrills and laughter. There are the photo moments that I want to etch into my brain so that they’ll last forever. Then there is the fear and anxiety and self-doubt that I am doing enough for my little superheroes, could I be doing more, should I be doing more?

We have days where I am the mum who is waving proudly from the sidelines as my little superheroes tackle life on their own. These are the days when I am cheering them on as they learn new skills, watching them make huge gains and wanting to give them constant high fives to celebrate their successes!

We have days where I feel as though all I am doing is driving a bumper car, forever knocking obstructions out of the way so that there is a clear path going forward for my little superheroes.

Then there are the days, weeks even, where I feel that I am hurtling downwards on a white knuckle, out of control, jaw dropping roller coaster and I feel as though I have no control what so ever over the ride that we’re on. It feels as though we have no way of getting off and I end up wondering whether and how we are going to survive.

And then there are the scary clowns. Seriously, L has a phobia of clowns, even pictures of clowns. Clowns cause L to run, very fast, in the opposite direction from them. Those days I don't know how we survive. Days like these I just put one foot in front of the other and keep pushing forward.

We all go through these ups and downs. Sometimes there are more ups then downs, other times the ratios are reversed. Throughout this ride called life we have two choices - we can scream and try to hide or we can try to enjoy the ride.

I chose the latter. I have no choice but to ride this rollercoaster so I muster the strength that I need to navigate through the Autism minefield and simply get on with life. If I didn't try to enjoy the ride, I would end up in a very dark place. All of the time. Not a pleasant thought.

Why do I chose to enjoy the ride? Because I love my children. They are my world and I will never give up, no matter how insecure and alone I may feel at times.

Autism doesn’t go away, and believe me I have been asked this question many times! Autism does get easier to manage.

You can never predict what is going to happen in the future, it's the great mystery of life. So the next time that you feel as though life is throwing you a curve ball and is getting you down, just remember that life changes. Nothing stays the same forever.

And in the meantime, hold on tight and keep going.


  1. I can relate to a lot of this, my partner works away a lot and it confuses our son. I also know too well about those ups and downs!

  2. Great post! I agree, you can not predict the future. Not all days are going to be the best...Still learning how to make the best out of those days.

  3. Great article, thank you for sharing!!

  4. This was so cute and much relatable to my 3year old who yet doesn't has to come to terms when daddy is out of station for work;). It is so much fun to hear their reactions..

  5. You are correct, life is unpredictable. How would it be if we had it all figured out? You are building strength and for that are blessed.

  6. Parenting becomes immensely challenging at times.. The kid would keep you up whole night and by the time you settle into peaceful sleep it's time to rise again

  7. As crazy as it sounds, I'm terrified of clowns too. I actually didn't realize how many people are also afraid but their are a lot.

  8. I loved the way you described your emotions related to your child in the post. Yes sometimes Its difficult to manage Autism. And We as a Parents do some actions which affects the child.I undersnad this well.

  9. You're doing well! One thing I know will help, is finding that one thing that makes YOU feel better. Whenever things get super crazy, you remind yourself of the one thing that makes you feel at peace.

  10. This is beautifully written. My son has been diagnosed with ASD and then changed to ADHD. Either way, he definitely has some sensory issues and there are days that I want to do nothing more than throw in the towel. I have never really thought of it as such, but it is very much like a roller coaster ride. I love how you said you just have to try and enjoy the ride. I'm still trying to figure out how to properly deal with his issues, but just knowing there are other moms out there can offer sound advice, but admit that it is hard, is refreshing and comforting. Thank you for sharing this post.

  11. My hubby works away too and it gets harder every time he leaves for our daughter to understand. Hang in there, you got this and you’re not alone ❤️

  12. That’s awesome that Sue let you grab some sleep. Sometimes the littles gestures goes along way.


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