Saturday 9 June 2018

Why I Do Not want to be Diagnosed with ASD

From the moment that we received L's and then O's ASD diagnosis, I began to question what I knew about my life and how much I really understood about myself. 

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have had many struggles as a child, a teenager and young adult with anxiety, social interactions, understanding the behaviour of my peers and so on for as long as I can remember. I have always felt different from my peers but could never put my finger on what the issue was.

It was during O's assessment sessions that I really began to ask questions of myself, reassess how I felt about myself and what I knew about myself.

O is my mini me. She reminds me so much of myself at the same age. She always has, and I dare say she always will. Her struggles, her anxiety, her highs and lows - oh my, it really is like looking in the mirror at my younger self. 

When I was answering questions from O's psychologist and speech therapist, I began to realise that if I was asked the same questions about myself, I would be giving the same responses about my own struggles.

When I have broached the subject with the various specialists that we've had to see for O and L, I have been told by the specialists that they unequivocally believe that I am on spectrum.

However I have no desire to seek a formal diagnosis.

At this point in time, other than having it confirmed officially and receiving a piece of paper in my hot little hands, I honestly can not see the benefit for myself.

Yes, it would be good to officially know. It would be good to be able to say that all of my struggles as a child, teenager and young adult were due to the fact that I really didn't understand social interactions because my thought process was different from those around me.

But  other than that what will it prove.

I don't need assistance now. I don't need therapy to assist me to function successfully in life. I have learnt all of those skills over the last few years.

I would prefer to put all of my time and energy into assisting my little superheroes to provide them with the skills that they will need to navigate through life.

I don't want to see them struggle in the future with social interactions, anxiety and potentially depression as a result of the impact of these struggles.

I know first hand how it feels to struggle as a result of not understanding social interactions. I want to set up my little superheroes to succeed at anything that they set their minds to.

So while it would be great to have a diagnosis simply for my own peace of mind, my priorities lie elsewhere.

I don't want to dwell on the past and the what could have beens.

I want to look towards the future and the endless possibilities that lay ahead for my little superheroes.

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