Come Quick, Sissy Stuck!

Mummy, mummy, come quick!

What's up little man?

Quick mummy, sissy stuck!

What, where is O stuck?

In the white thing!

Huh? What white thing, oh wait....

And yep there O was, sitting down inside the white laundry basket that we have outside for the little superheroes to put their outside toys in.

And then an argument broke out between the two of them "it my turn," "no it's my turn first!"

Because when you're outside who wants to play on the trampoline or with the dozens of outside toys or the poor dog who is looking at you like you are completely nuts as you sit in a laundry basket!

No, the laundry basket is more fun!!

Let Your Inner Fighter Shine Through.

I need to tell you something.......it's okay to sometimes NOT be okay.

I'm a Mum, a carer, a mediator, an educator, a therapist, a cook and an advocate among other things, but first and foremost, I'm a human. I have an identity.

YOU have an identity.

Don't compare yourself to anyone. You are as unique as the next person. Remember all the things that make you you. You need to give yourself time to breath, time to sit, time to be you, time to recognise that you are amazing, that you are strong.

And if people try to criticize you and your decisions, tell them to walk a mile in your shoes. Until they've done that, they have no right to tell you what you have done wrong or how to run your life or what decisions you should be making.

You are doing your best and that's the greatest achievement of all. You are giving it your all. Be proud of yourself.

So you cried, you had a meltdown, a moment. You rolled around on the ground and kicked and screamed and had a tantrum. Who gives a s###! Everyone needs a good cry every now and then. It's not healthy to withhold emotion.

People who withhold emotion have got to be the unhappiest people of all. No sorrow, no joy, no anger..........

You did what you needed to do in that moment to survive and continue on with your day. You did this because you are a fighter.

Our most basic instinct is survival and when we are faced with exhausting or difficult or traumatic circumstances, we may want to just give in. It's the Flight-Fight-Freeze Response. You may want take Flight and run away or you may want to Freeze like a deer in headlights or you may want to Fight on. We've evolved this way to alert us to danger and this response assists us to act in stressful situations.

The Flight-Fight-Freeze Response is actually pretty cool. It is almost like having superhero powers that we can activate when we need to protect ourselves or our loved ones. The tricky bit is working out which one is your fall back response.

You? You're a Fighter. You didn't give up, you stood your ground, you put your big kid panties on and fought on. You stood up for what you believe in, for what is right.

So you sought medical help in the form of happy pills. Do these help you to stay focused and think logically about what is happening around you? If the answer is yes, then you did the right thing. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong because you can recognise your weaknesses, you recognised that you needed help.

You did what you needed to do to keep fighting on.

And why?

Because you are a Fighter.

Say it with me "I am a Fighter!"

It would be easier to just give up. But you didn't. We all feel deeply and we all struggle but we don't give up. We get back up and we fight on.

I was once told by a wonderful, slightly crazy, very solid and very intimidating PT instructor that "it isn't the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it is the size of the fight in the dog."

This will always stick with me. I may be short in stature but don't underestimate the fight in me. Don't let people underestimate the fight in you.

I acknowledge all your struggles and your pain. I feel your pain, I have been there but I'd also like to salute the fighter that is within you.

You need to be thankful and proud for all the things that you have done that displayed courage and strength and sheer determination. And maybe stubbornness because you didn't give up!

You are a strong person - you admire others from a distance for their inner strength. But did you know that they also admire you? That they can see your inner strength? That they can see the fighter in you?

Your own worth is not measured on the number of times that you stumbled and fell.

Your own worth IS measured on all the times that you got back up and gave it another go. All the times that you let your inner fighter shine through and fought on.

Be strong, be brave and be committed to being the best version of you that you can be.

Why?

Because you are a fighter!

Learning From My Little Superheroes

Over the past year I have learnt a lot about myself and my family of superheroes. I have learnt quite a lot just from watching and interacting with my little superheroes. Our journey thus far has been very enlightening.

I have learnt that I can grow, and have grown, a thicker skin than I ever thought I could or should have to. You don't want to mess with this Mamma!

I have learnt that our autism life means that we are brought to our knees in despair on a much too regular basis. But I have also learnt that our autism life means that we will brush ourselves off, get up and try again tomorrow because we have no other choice. I learnt very early on that I have to fight for and be an advocate for my little superheroes to access funding, therapy, aide time and anything else that they may need to learn the skills to become functioning members of society. I have to fight for my children. If I don't fight for them, who will?

I have learnt that our autism life means that I can survive on less sleep than I ever thought I could. I didn’t think humans could survive on so little sleep, but apparently we can! Who knew! 

I have learnt that our autism life means that we celebrate and cherish every little moment, every little victory, every little step forward. And we shout it proudly from the rooftops for everyone to hear! You can stare at me all you like, your stares won't stop me celebrating.

I have learnt that our autism life means that I have to constantly break the stereotypes that people have of autism. And there are so many stereotypes to break, it's ridiculous.

I have learnt that to say "my little superheroes are not fussy eaters, they have sensory sensitivities when it comes to food." There is a difference, if you want to make my little superheroes sick, make them eat something that they don't like the texture of! You'll soon understand why I have said that they won't eat a particular food. Even when we go out to a restaurant or to a friend’s place for dinner/lunch/a BBQ, I will always have to pack a lunchbox for my little superheroes. If they eat anything while we’re out, that is a huge bonus! But we will always need a back up.

I have learnt just how literal my little superheroes are and that at times, I really need to think about what I want them to do and reword what I say!

Our autism life means that we will rarely have a lazy do nothing sort of day. Every moment is planned, every holiday is planned, one of us is always on look-out duty, no matter where we go or what we do.

Our autism life means that we watch the same DVD’s over and over and over again. Even after years of watching the same movies, my little superheroes don’t tire of watching them. They still laugh in the same places, and still become surprised/worried/sometimes scared! I’m sure some nights that I dream about different movies. And I do know all the lyrics to their favourite movie tunes!

Our autism life means that I am constantly learning about Autism Spectrum Disorder. I am constantly learning new skills to help both my little superheroes navigate this crazy world. I don't think that the learning for all of us will ever stop, it may slow down but never stop.

Our autism life has taught me that I have thousands of friends that live in a computer and are on my side. They share our highs and lows and we have often have virtual coffee catch ups, because we understand what each other is going through. They have my back and I have theirs.

Our autism life is never, ever boring, there’s never a dull moment at Superhero headquarters! In fact it is quite often funny, actually downright hilarious at times. It is often frustrating and repetitive. It's sometimes challenging and sometimes messy. But never boring. It is actually pretty amazing!

Daddy! ......... is Awesome!

Daddy superhero has discovered a new way to frustrate the little superheroes!

Every time one of them calls out "Daddy!" he answers with one of the below response -

Daddy!........ is awesome!

Daddy!.........is the best.

Daddy!.........is the best Daddy ever.

Daddy!.........is great.

Daddy!..........is here.

Daddy!..........is your favourite person.

Daddy!..........is asleep!

O just generally ignores the response that she gets and continues on with whatever she wanted to ask Daddy. I don't think she has even registered that Daddy is not answering her the way that he should be.

L on the other hand just keeps saying "Daddy" until he gets to the point where he starts to growl! This go on for a looooong time!

It is very hard not to laugh at the two of them. One little superhero becoming more and more frustrated as he tries to talk to Daddy. And one big superhero having fun annoying his little superhero.

They are like two peas in a pod!

Daddy Superhero is waiting until the little superheroes are old enough for him to answer with -

Daddy!.......wants another beer!

Daddy!.......Just fill up the water bottle please.

The Magic of Christmas!

I work in an Early Childhood Learning Centre in the 3 to 5 year old Kindy room. Towards the end of each school year, the children become ratty. They're just over being at school and day care and they all need a holiday!

In the past I've tried bribery, I've tried the whole "Santa is watching you" and a few other tricks to no avail. Last week I tried a different tact.

Earlier this year I changed the photo of one of my contacts in my phone to a photograph of Santa as well as changing the name, just in case O started snooping around in my contacts list. I did this in the hope that if I needed to, I could ring "Santa" and have a chat to him about O and L. They both very much believe in the big man in the red suit.

On Friday just gone at work, the Kindy children and I were talking about Christmas and the topic of talking to Santa came up.

A few of my little charges piped up with "I wish I could say hello to Santa."

When I casually mentioned that I happened to have Santa's number in my phone, their little faces lit up! Of course I had to get my phone to show them the picture of Santa and his phone number. They then started asking "can we ring him please?"

One of the older children then said "nah, he would asleep now, Santa lives at the North Pole, it might be night time there!"

I then suggested that after afternoon tea we could try and ring Santa to see if he was home. They were all very excited about the thought of talking to Santa.

During my lunch break I quickly sent a text message off to "Santa" to check if a phone call would be possible. When I got a reply of definitely back, the plan was set.

Just before I was due to finish my shift, I sat down with the Kindy children to call "Santa." They were all sitting there giggling and fidgeting while I made the call.

And then a lovely lady answered the phone - Hello.

Me: Is this Santa's phone?

Other end: Just a moment please and I'll get Santa. This is Santa's helper.

Didn't they sit still, stop talking and stare at me! I've not seen them sit that still ever! The looks on their faces were priceless. I could imagine their brains thinking - OMG, she's telling the truth, she really DOES have Santa's number!

One of the little boys piped up very loudly with "It's a gnome!" Ah, both are short but Santa has Elves buddy not gnomes!

And then we had a chat to Santa. 

Yes, he was asleep because it is night time at the North Pole but that's okay because he likes talking to girls and boys. He's been very busy making all the toys ready for Christmas. And yes, all the children are on the nice list but they all need to keep listening to their teachers and their Mum and Dad's.

Then there was a chorus of "bye Santa" because Santa needed to go back to sleep!

It was only a very short phone call, but a very effective one! Might just have to place another phone call to Santa before Christmas.

Now to find another set of grandparents to play the roles of Santa and Santa's helper. Don't think a phone call to Santa's helper, aka Grandma, and Santa, aka Duddud, would work as O and L would definitely recognise their voices!

Thank you Grandma and Duddud for your help, you both played your roles very well!

Our Christmas Traditions

Whenever anyone talks about Christmas traditions, I get visions of huge family gatherings, ugly sweaters, hot roast lunches, trying unsuccessfully to get a photo of Santa and the kids screaming because they don't want to go anywhere near Santa, family passed out on the sofa after eating too much, opening presents super early in the morning, carols by candlelight, midnight mass and so on.

When Daddy superhero and I decided to have children, we made the decision to start our own family traditions. We wanted to start a new tradition of not following traditions that were already set in place. Yep, we're rebels!!

Christmas in Perth is generally hot, very hot. Usually we'll have a roast dinner the night before Christmas, watch the Carols by Candlelight on TV and wake up way too early on Christmas day. We'll have a cold lunch on Christmas Day and the little superheroes usually spend the day playing with their presents, eating icy poles and playing outside under a sprinkler to stay cool.

We always make a gingerbread house a few days before Christmas Day which the little superheroes absolutely love. Between the heat and the little superheroes raiding bits of the house, it generally doesn't last for long.

And the little superheroes always leave a glass of milk and treats for Santa and his Reindeer. Each year Daddy superhero tries his hardest to convince them to leave a beer out, but O always pipes up with "but Santa might crash the sleigh!"

Last year we added the tradition of going to Sensory Santa. The little superheroes love the experience of meeting Santa in a sensory friendly environment. And we've gotten two photos of smiling children, rather than screaming ones! It's a win win situation!

When O was 3, I found something called "Elf on the Shelf" and thought, why not! I'd not heard of it before but it looked like fun. It looked like our sort of thing.

I know, I know, you're probably thinking "oh dear, it's that creepy Elf thing."

But they're really not creepy, it's about keeping the magic of Christmas alive. Children are only little for a short while, they need a little magic!

When our Elf arrived, O in all her wisdom named him Elfie. Very original, but she was only 3. She loved waking up each morning and searching the house to find where Elfie had hidden. Our first year with our Elf was pretty tame. He didn't get up to too much mischief!

When L was old enough to join in the excitement and magic of Christmas, she introduced L to Elfie. Many arguments were had over who Elfie belonged to. So we introduced another Elf, a girl Elf named Twinkle. Elfie and Twinkle even have their own Facebook page.

Elfie and Twinkle get up to a lot of mischief, but the little superheroes love it. O regularly speaks to our elves about their behaviour - "You are not allowed to draw on me this time, okay?" Yeah right, that's the best mischief making ever. Ever tried to draw on your children's faces while they're asleep. I usually end up having to leave the room because I'm giggling so hard!

The hardest part of Elf on the Shelf is coming up with new ideas each year! Some of the Elves mischief making is quite elaborate but most of their mischief making is very simple. The little superheroes love the simple mischief making, they're the ones that they keep going back to look at throughout the day!

There's been a few nights when the elves haven't moved and the elves have almost been busted mid mischief making several times.

This year is our 5th year of Elf on the Shelf, and the little superheroes are just as excited about them as they have been in previous years. This year the elves have made a little house to sit in that has a magical door!

The superheroes had a chat to them about not getting up to too much mischief.

Elfie and Twinkle brought a mini pinata for the toys to play with.

They've brought some snow, albiet fake, for the little superheroes to play with.

What traditions does your family do at Christmas time? Would love to hear how you celebrate Christmas!

What is Normal Anyway?

How many times have you heard parents say “my child is a normal developing child.” 

What is normal when it comes to describing children? Is there a normal child? Tantrums are normal, all children have them. But are tantrums normal when they progress to the next level where they just go on and on and on and……..

What does a normal family look like? Two parents, one parent, parents and grandparents, same sex parents. There is no normal. 

The way I see it is that what I see as normal, a loving family, might not be how you see a normal family. It’s all a matter of personal perception.

Who decides what is normal and how did they come to that decision? What made them come to the decision to set standards to determine what is normal and what is not? Why did they come to that decision?

In our household, normal is a cycle on the washing machine! None of us are neuro-typical!

Hearing parents talk about their “normal” children made me start to think. What does normal mean? What are the different definitions of normal?

The definition of normal according to the standard dictionary is that when used as an adjective, normal means conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal, regular, natural.

I don't fit that definition, I have never conformed to how people expected me to be. Tell me that I can't do something, and I'll prove to you that I can. I was told in year 11 that girls don't do science. So I went onto University, studied science and worked for the CSIRO developing science sessions to be conducted in schools!

In terms of a psychology definition, normal means free from any mental disorder, sane, approximately average in any psychological trait.

I'm on happy pills, so I don't fit that definition either.

Did you know that the word normal has its origins in Latin, circa 1520 – normalis made according to a carpenter’s square, equivalent to norm! I didn’t, you learn something new every day.

I then found an Urban Dictionary. It says that the word normal is nothing but a word made up by society so they could single out and attack those who are different.

Mmmm, makes you think doesn’t it.

As Truman Capote said in Breakfast at Tiffany’s – “It may be normal darling; but I’d rather be natural.”

I keep telling my little superheroes when they talk to me about being different than their friends – “if you try to be normal all the time, you’ll never know how amazing you can really be. Be yourself, because there is not another person like you. You are unique."

To me “normal” is an ideal but it isn’t reality. Normal points out our failings, our deficits. There is no normal, just peoples perceptions of what they think normal is. Be who you are, don’t let anyone make you feel inadequate for being you. Being normal is overrated.

Be the one who stands out in the crowd, be the one who becomes a leader, be the one who causes change to happen.

Yep, I’m weird but I am proud of my weirdness. I don’t want to be a neuro-typical. I want to be the best version of me.