Saturday 22 April 2017

Phrases that you don't want to hear a doctor say!

There are certain phrases that you just do not want to hear your doctor say. Ever. These are phrases that invoke panic and fear and uncertainty and confusion and they are generally not great for your mental well-being.

Last week we experienced an incident such as this.

On Wednesday morning, L woke with a rash on his tummy and a sore right ear so it was off to see our wonderful, understanding and very patient GP.

He took one look at L's rash and said "well, it isn't chicken pox (thank goodness as I was dreading having a weeks holiday with a child with chicken pox) let's look in your ear."

The GP took a look in L's right ear and wouldn't you know it, the ear was inflamed and infected, hence the cause of the rash.

The GP then checked L's left ear and his exact words were "what's that?"

Huh? What on earth are you talking about?

Seeing the confused look on my face he continued with "come over here and look!"

As I went over I was thinking WTF am I about to see and when I looked through the ear scopy thingy I saw what the GP saw, a tiny blue bead.

What the hell? Why? Just why? And then how? And then why again!

Well of course L wouldn't let the GP anywhere near him. Our GP can't say that I didn't warn him first, so it was off to our local hospital.

You know that you frequent the Accident and Emergency department too often when the Triage nurse recognies your child and says "what have done this time buddy?" On the bright side L brightened right up when he saw his favourite nurse!

And of course the attending doctor then says "I haven't removed anything from a child's ear before today." Of course you haven't, well he has autism and won't let you go near his head without a fight, sedation is a good place to start.

Nope let's just hold L down on the bed and try our luck with a tiny suction gadget thingy. You'd think that I should know the names of the gadgets by now but nope. Not a chance, I have too many other terms and information to remember.

With a lot of screaming and L tensing the doctor was able to get the blue bead out. Then when she went to check L's ear, the words "ahhhh, Dr ............ there's another one."

Of course there is!

They weren't so successful at getting the second one out and told us that we would have to go up to the Children's Hospital the following day to get it removed as they had a special unit especially designed for getting foreign objects out of children's ears and noses. When we heard this part, Daddy superhero and I both started giggling.

Sometimes you just have to laugh!! If you don't laugh you will cry and at stage we had L on the bed sobbing his heart out and O screaming like a banshee under the table as there was blood everywhere and her little brother was crying. Yep, they'd managed to damage L's ear canal in the process of trying to remove the second bead.

So a visit to the Children's hospital occurred on Thursday last week. L had his fourth general anesthetic in 3 and a half years and the said bead was removed from L's ear.

When L realised it was a green bead, he said "oh my favourite colour!"

Yes it is buddy but why is it in your ear?!?

L has been proudly telling anyone and everyone about the beads in his ear and has stored the two little specimen jars in a Batman tin for safe keeping. Isn't that where everyone keeps souvenirs from a hospital stay?

I in the meantime, every time I see a little bead on the floor I am throwing them in the bin. Never to see the light of day again.

And the rest of the beads kit has been stored away somewhere where I will hopefully forget where I put them so that when O and L want to play with them I can respond with "I'm really sorry but I'm not sure where they are."

Or, even better, hopefully the little superheroes will forget all about them and the offending beads can be slyly thrown away next time we do a big clean out!

Life is never dull!

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